It’s not new that we sometimes like to blame the opposite sex for why wecan’t seem to find or keep a good man. But there comes a time where we have to be big girls, and take responsibility for the things we do, the way we act and the things we say that can hinder a good man from coming our way. Let me help you out with that…
1. You want to argue about everything all of the time.
Some women are addicted to drama. They don’t know how to function in situations where no one is yelling or throwing someone’s clothes out the window. I’ve said this before, but there’s a lot of healthy relationship stuff between getting freaky and fighting. Save the drama for the Melanie Fiona videos. As I get older one of the most surprising things I’ve learned is that the best relationship I’ve ever had has been the most boring. By boring I mean I’m not checking his phone for text messages because there’s nothing to check for. He doesn’t do Facebook and our biggest arguments are over breakfast cereal. Our best moments are spent watching Netflix and talking smack about the drama in our friends’ relationships.
2. You compare your relationship to everyone else’s.I was guilty of this for a long time. I knew what I signed up for when I started dating the boyfriend. He wasn’t the “dozen roses for no reason” type and I fell in love with him anyway. He had 1000 other great qualities that I decided mattered more than flowers, candy all that stuff most people think love is about. Still, whenever a friend called to brag about romantic walks on the beach or posted a pic of breakfast in bed from their “hubby” I found myself doubting my relationship. Eventually I got my flowers and a good lesson that every relationship grows in its own time.
3. Your man makes or breaks your life.
There has to be more to you than finding or getting a man. We all have that friend that every five seconds is texting or calling her “Bae” or gets ghost on Twitter until there’s some update like “Bae brought home shrimp for dinner. I <3 my Bae!” So what is it exactly that YOU do? I worry about men who want their woman’s whole world to revolve around them, but I worry more about women who allow it. Most good men want a woman who’s bringing more to the table than free time for him and a vast knowledge of the lives on Real Housewives of Atlanta. You don’t have to choose between having a man and having a life.
4. You give your friends and followers the play by play of your relationship.Death to the screen grab. Now not only do we have to hear about your relationship drama, we get to read it ridden with bad grammar. No man wants to worry that his every thought or emotion about you will be shared with the world. And honestly most of the world doesn’t care. PDA is one thing, a play-by-play of the ups and downs of your relationship is a red flag that you need attention, a therapist or both.
5. You’re doing the most, too early.If you are planning shopping trips with his mom and buying scented candles for his crib and you met him two weeks ago you are officially doing the most. It sends the message that you’re desperate, crazy or easy. No man wants to feel like you’re doing for him what you do for every guy you meet or that he’s being forced into boyfriend responsibilities that he’s not ready for. There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want, but sometimes you have to allow yourself to be pursued. Just because you’ve got butterflies and you want to pop up at his job and surprise him for lunch, doesn’t mean you should. You can’t rush the comfort that comes with being in a relationship for some time. Certain perks in a relationship have to be earned, otherwise don’t try to play martyr talking about how “used and abused” you always are when you constantly give too much too soon.