Twitter has been proving that children were indeed left behind since 2006. This is whyDumbestTweets.com exists and is never out of material. There are currently 400 posts sitting in drafts and over 1,700 posts have been published.
Anywho, it’s about that time of the year where I am tasked with the super tough job of narrowing down all the grammatically-challenged and logic-lacking tweets that were posted this year into a measly 50. It’s like having to pick a pair of shoes as my favorite. SO. HARD. But I did it.
You can check out past years’ lists of Dumbest Tweets.
50 Dumbest Tweets of 2012: Part 1 (in no particular order):
Alter eagle? Lemme find out Twitter gives her wings. O__o
LAWD, HELP YO’ CHILDREN!!! “Who he kill the 1st time???” *faints*
3. RT @_goddamnjas: Zoe Saldana is pretty but she’s anne or resick! She needs to eat!
So do we know if she’s anne or if she’s resick?
4. RT @megatronjr: My girl gave me an ulta mate him. Give her my password to my macbook or break up. What do i do
First thing you need to do is start paying attention to the red squiggly line. Not ultimatum but ULTA MATE HIM??? Chile… iCan’t.
5. RT @TaeAnt11: Wait. Obama got 64 states & Romney got 40???? Bitch we only got 51 states!!
But… that’s not e’em… *deep sigh*
I’d rather quit than give up because I’m unable to deal.
7. RT @if_itaint_b: Derrick Rose trying to speak on National Television like he doesn’t have a speech peppermint
Maybe he wanted to keep his speech fresh? O_O Sir, that is IMPEDIMENT. Womp.
8. RT @___SDJ: Scissors?! This is what the lesbian race has come too?! Sticking scissors in each other?!
So Lesbianism is a race now? Have they added this to the census forms? I’m just asking.
9. RT @KeishaCakesXXX: WET LIKE DA SPECIFIC OCEAN!!
Which one in particular is she talmbout? She’s gotta be more #pacific. O_O Also, why are you hollering?
I hate everything.
11. RT @razorramon_: salary and ranch taste good as shit!
I heard wages and Italian was also delicious. O_O
12. RT @Justcam21: I can’t wait to cut the andbuildadacord when my daughter is born
The andbuildadacord??? Do you build a bear with it??? How do misspell umbilical to this point?
13. RT @brownlady25: To my calculation if I save $38 each week, I can have a million with in 3 yrs! Sounds like a plan to me!
Unless there are new math rules or each year is now dumb long, this is just the wrongest! *sigh* Maybe her calculator broke.
No, your shirt is not in Arabic. Jesus be a fence and a Rosetta Stone set for this child.
15. RT @Bj843: U gon get what’s coming to you tho… Caramel is a bitch.
And nougat is a ho. O_o
16. RT @IPhone_Jerome: Jim Jones bout to merry Kimbella congrats on there In gadge mint black love is beautiful
So much foolery so little time. In gadge mint? In what world does that even sound ok??? And this person’s lack of respect for punctuation of any kind is a mess. Fail all over.
17. RT @citychamp: damn whitney houston oddtopsee results came back… cocaine.
ODDTOPSEE??? Do you think that red squiggly line means “good job?” Sir… AUTOPSY. I can’t e’em… Nawl.
*lays my burdens down because I am TAHD*
19. RT @DannySwift: Shaq got his doctor It’s degree. #swag
Who is Doctor It and how do you get a degree from him? Because surely this fool didn’t mean doctorate. SURELY! O_____O
20. RT @rayplusray: Our generation has made a mochary of marraige.
And you have made a mockery of spelling. Sit down.
21. RT @itsjust_Ashley: Charlotte dumb ass. RT @Latron_James: What’s the pig’s name from Charlotte’s web?
You both fail. Go straight to the corner. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
You got an A talmbout “Mooy being?” NO MA’AM! We do not believe you! Please present more people and some receipts.
23. RT @CocoMuffen: gotta go see my ghanacolleges today
GHANACOLLEGES. Say it out loud multiple times. This fool meant “gynecologist.” WHEN I TELL YOU I AM DONE??? LMAOOOOO!!! Ma’am, you’re not going to Accra to research universities. Have a firm seat!
24. RT @__Mookie: Dude asked me if we can meet up for a cap of chino lmao…GAY
A cap of chino, though? CAP OF CHINO? The fact that your dumb ass thinks being asked out for a CAPPUCCINO is gay is why you can’t have nice things.
80HD and this fool wasn’t talmbout a giant TV. When I realized he meant ADHD, I jumped off my couch onto carpet.
27. RT @foreva_RN_ladii: oh my 3yr old god son call me to sing for lease Navidad and but getting mad when I started singing with him
For lease Navidad! Where can I rent a Navidad? Are they expensive? Are there coupon codes I can use?
28. RT @Dec8Baby: Is whippy gold bird gay?
Who the hell is Whippy gold bird? Ma’am, you meant WHOOPI GOLDBERG??? Chile… iCan’t.
29. RT @LadyBSmart: It was a mescado kind of night.
Girl you better drink pepsi. That’s easier to spell than moscato. Bless you.
The Electrical college? What happens there? Do you learn how to hook up A/Cs? Do they teach you about not touching hotlight bulbs? (-__-)
31. RT @junior904g: Is it true that fried oysters are an afrodezyact?
Afrodezyact. Sweet 5 lb 7 oz baby Jesus in that manger. REALLY? Not “aphrodisiac” but “afrodezyact.” iCan’t and iWon’t.
32. RT @MandaSwaggie: Kurt Cobain is that guy from Glee, right?
*facepalm* NO MA’AM, HE IS NOT! GO TAKE A NAP!
*sigh* We need our schools. So kids can learn. This shooting was so sad. But this one here talmbout “condoughlensis.” I hope he stays in school cuz…
34. RT @Blakeseaz: So hot in the office one of the secretaries thought she was metal pausing.
How does one metal pause, exactly? Do you stop using staples? Do you flip over everything that isn’t wood or paper? Sir… you mean MENOPAUSING? I am unable.
35. RT @cmp_66: Ladies do you prefer natural birth or sea sexion?
A sea sexion? That sounds freaky. And I’ont want it. O_O
36. RT @madame4madame: Beyonce was born in Houston… not Texas.
RT @Keeeeyz: Drake is Canadian? say word I thought he was from Toronto…
Atlas just shrugged so he could come kick yall in the shins. They should really start requiring Geography classes in school.
Intuition or at least the red squiggly line should tell them they can’t spell that word right. Womp.
38. RT @whysotrill: Frank Ocean is buy sexual? What’s that mean?
It means he picked up his sexual at the store since it was on sale. (-___-)
39. RT @NerdRat: I think Elle Varner has some sexual inewwindows in that song refill
Thank you, Inspector Obvious. But next time, use a word you can spell, because you just butchered innuendo.
You got the wrong King, bro. SMH!
41. RT @FictitiousRisa: I always ovary act to small stuff.
Girl, get your life.
42. RT @DeiondraSanders: Who’s winning the Chicago & Bulls game?
RT @_MACCole: I hope it’s Heat vs. Miami in the finals. that’s gon be a good ass game.
Listen. It’s okay if you aren’t into sports. Don’t fake it like this. It’s a fail waiting to happen.
43. @PhillipBranham: Your dairy air looks rather ravishing from this vantage point.
STOP TRYNA BE FANCY! Y’all gotta stick to words you’re comfortable to spell. He just wanted to use derriere but ended up talmbout milk and oxygen. No sir.
Is Mars looking for citizens? Because some of the people on this planet are dumber than space rocks.
45. RT @beautythreat: He love it that I’m boll leg it.
I am unable to can. iCan’t. Not bowlegged but boll leg it. Where did we go wrong?
46. RT @DulahMAN: Are you Republican or Dominican!???? Be honest
Sir, I am Nigerian. Oh you mean Democrat. WOMMPPP!!! O___O
47. RT @AngusBiggar: MJ died at 58. Whitney died at 48. JFK died at 38. Amy Winehouse died at 28. Justin Bieber is almost 18… Just saying.
If you don’t sit your pontificating ass down! All the wrongness! MJ was 50, JFK was 46, and Amy was 27 when they died. AND even if the numbers were right, what do they have to do with the price of Justin Bieber’s swoop bang in China? SIT DOWN.
48. RT @RetroTheron: Cream Abdul Jabar was overrated as fuck.
Cream Abdul Jabar must have played for the Nutritious Basketball League.
49. RT @StevenJDixon: If you are still a girlfriend, that is why you are not a wife. #Don’tMakeMeGoHard
Another decepticon relationship expert with too many followers and not enough common sense.
The iFold tower. Is that an Apple bookshelf? Because that sounds dangerous. (-____-). This fool meant “Eiffel.”
Goodness gracious. I’ve facepalmed so much that my forehead is probably permanently red. But I made it through! WHOOT!
In case you’ve missed past lists, check them out here:
For your daily fix, you can always check out Dumbest Tweets. Thanks to everyone who submits these tweets because it truly does take a village to find this foolishment. You can submit them directly to the Tumblr.
Did you know anyone on these lists? Which one slayed you the most?